Our Loss

I debated on whether or not to put this on here, but then I decided it might be good for me to write it down, and this will be a good thing for me to keep.

Yesterday we lost our baby. I had been spotting off and on since I was 13 weeks. It wasn't ever very much. On the 24th it got worse, so I called my midwife and she wanted me to come into the hospital and have an ultrasound done. When the tech was doing it, I knew something was wrong, because I couldn't see the baby moving on the screen. The tech wouldn't tell us anything. The midwife then told us that we lost our baby and our baby stopped growing a little after 12 weeks. I was 16 weeks 3 days at that time. She said we could stay and have the baby then, come in the next morning and have the baby, or wait for it to go naturally at home. We opted to have the baby the next morning. We came home and Jake was great and went and got us some ice cream. While he was gone, he was thinking what he would want if this were happening to him and he thought food, so he went to get some chicken at KFC, but they were closed, so we went and got some hamburgers and fries. He also got me some chocolate. We were nervous, because we didn't know what to expect. No one really talks about what happens with miscarriages. We thought that the next day was going to be an awful day.

The next morning we got ready, took Tean to Jake's parent's house for the day, and went up to the hospital. A little side note. When I met our nurse she looked really familiar, and her voice sounded very familiar. I mentioned it to Jake and was trying to remember from what. I then remembered from what. She looked and sounded just like the lady on this prenatal yoga video that I had. When she came back Jake told her that I thought she looked famous. She just said, that she wasn't. I told her that she looked like a lady on a yoga video that I had. She said that it was her on it! Crazy! Anyway, they put some pills in me to start labor and we just waited. About 4 hours later, the midwife came back to put some more pills in me and I asked for some pain medicine. Before they put the pills in me, my water broke and the baby came right away. I got some pain medication and slept off and on for a bit. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see the baby, but after the baby was born, Jake and I decided it would be a good idea, so we saw the baby. It was a little boy. They had a nurse there who specializes in grief, and she came and talked to us and told us what she would do with the baby. We were given the option of burying the baby, which would cost us a lot, have a mortuary in town cremate the baby (they did this service for us for free), or we could have the hospital cremate the baby with anything else they were burning that day. We opted for the mortuary and they told us they would let us know if there were any remains and they had little lockets that we could put the ashes in. The nurse took the baby, took pictures of the baby, measured and weighed him, and put him in a little gown, wrapped him in a blanket and brought him back so we could hold him. We were given the gown he was put in, his blanket, a stuffed animal, a ring, the pictures and a box to put them all in. I will not put the pictures they gave us of our baby, but if you would like to see them, we are willing to show them to you, just ask us. I know anyone can read this and I don't want to share them with the whole world. We were also given a card with his birth weight and length and his little foot prints on it. He was 3 inches and weighed 14 grams. We were encouraged to name him, so we named him Nephi Chandler. Having all that really made the experience a lot better than expected. It turned out that it wasn't an awful experience. Our midwife and nurses made it as positive an experience as could be expected in the situation given. Today I feel surprisingly well.

We are very sad about this loss. We thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers given in our behalf and everything everyone has done for us. We are doing good. I know I will still get emotional at times, but I am thankful for the gospel and the comfort it gives us in our lives. We are glad that we have Tean. He is a joy in our lives and makes us laugh. We look forward to having more children when the time comes.